Zen and the Art of Not Replying to Dumb Texts
Master the art of selective ignoring.
Let’s begin with a fact: we are living in the Age of Infinite Notification.
Your phone buzzes more than a hummingbird on Red Bull.
Your watch pings. Your laptop dings. Your fridge wants to update its firmware.
And at the center of it all is you—just a regular Homo sapiens trying to read a book, drink some coffee, or use the bathroom in peace—while your group chat explodes with 47 unread messages debating whether oat milk is a government plot.
In ancient Rome, the Stoics contemplated questions like: “What is virtue?” and “How can man live in harmony with nature?”
In modern life, we ask: “Should I respond to this text from Cousin Gary about lizard people infiltrating Costco?”
Welcome to the battlefield of digital restraint.
And your only hope of survival?
Stoic Wisdom.
Wisdom Begins Where Wi-Fi Ends
The Stoics taught that wisdom is knowing what you can control and what you can’t.
You can’t control inflation.
You can’t control aging.
You definitely can’t control Uncle Gary’s sudden interest in Area 51 and home water filtration.
But you can control how you respond.
Or better yet: if you respond.
This is where the real mastery lies—not in witty comebacks or fact-checking every forwarded meme from a friend who still uses Yahoo! Mail. No, the true path to peace is paved with the quiet strength of not replying.
Rule #1: Don’t Feed the Group Chat
Let’s say you’re in a family group chat. It’s called something like “Fam Squad 🔥💯❤️”—because your Aunt Lisa thinks emojis are legally required.
The chat begins innocently. A nice photo of a baby. A casserole recipe.
Then—BAM—Gary drops a “scientific article” from www.truthblaster.biz about how 5G towers are mind-controlling your pets.
Now the family chat becomes a digital coliseum of debate. Your cousin Rachel wants to debunk it. Your brother Chad posts a GIF of Nicolas Cage screaming.
Your mom just types, “What is 5G?”
You’re tempted. Oh, you are tempted.
You even begin typing something: a paragraph explaining electromagnetic frequencies, logic, science, and why Gary should not be allowed near voting machines.
Then you stop.
You breathe.
You channel your inner Marcus Aurelius.
And you delete the message.
Because you, my friend, are a digital Stoic.
You have learned that group chats are not for reason. They are for chaos.
And if you reply, you become the chaos.
Rule #2: Not Every Hot Take Deserves a Firehose
Somewhere between doomscrolling and trying to buy socks online, you come across a post that reads:
“Actually, the moon isn’t real. It’s a projection by Big Astronomy.”
Your blood pressure rises.
Your fingers twitch.
You begin to compose a strongly worded essay complete with links to NASA, Newtonian physics, and a sarcastic YouTube video narrated by Neil deGrasse Tyson.
But ask yourself: Why?
Is this for them?
Or is this because part of you still believes that arguing with a stranger in a Facebook comment section will restore balance to the universe?
Here’s what a Stoic would say:
“Let fools cling to foolishness. You’ve got bigger things to do. Like coffee. Or push-ups. Or literally anything else.”
Wisdom is not winning the argument.
Wisdom is not needing to.
Rule #3: Delay Is the New Reply
You get a text. It’s passive-aggressive.
Something like, “I guess some people are too busy to return calls 🤷♂️.”
Don’t reply.
Not yet.
Take a walk.
Lift something heavy.
Yell into a pillow shaped like Gary.
Then—hours later—you can respond calmly, kindly, and without punctuation rage.
This is known as response temperance.
It’s like emotional CrossFit.
You delay your reaction until your higher brain cells have had a chance to form a complete sentence that doesn’t involve the words “block” or “restraining order.”
Stoicism: The Do Not Disturb of the Soul
We live in an age where every opinion is broadcast at maximum volume.
People text during funerals.
They email during colonoscopies.
They forward memes faster than the speed of light and with far less accuracy.
And through it all, you have a choice.
You can wade into every dumb take like a gladiator with a fact sword…
Or you can step back.
Mute the thread.
Smile.
And go on living your actual, analog, quietly excellent life.
Because wisdom isn’t just what you know.
It’s what you choose not to dignify with a response.
Thus, Don’t Engage the Crazy. Become the Calm.
So the next time someone sends you a meme that says birds aren’t real or that Atlantis is under a Costco in Cincinnati…
Don’t take the bait.
Don’t reply with facts or fury or feelings.
Instead, summon your inner Zen Man.
Take a breath.
Take a walk.
Take a break from humanity if necessary.
Because you are no longer a digital foot soldier in the war of nonsense.
You are a philosopher.
A warrior of restraint.
A man who chooses peace over petty.
You are the Stoic in the scroll.
You are, in fact, an
Hombre Man—Powered by wisdom, caffeine, and the sacred art of not texting back.
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